Archive for January, 2005
Crazy Marie and the Hallway of Death
"NOTICE: 1-18-05WINDOW IS BROKEN IN DOOR. PLEASE FIX. IT IS COLD IN HALLWAY." That’s the note that greeted me the other night when I came home. A wrinkly piece of yellow lined notebook paper that was covered with the scrawl of a serial killer and taped to the glass with the kind of tape old [...]
Read More..>>Sweet Dreams Are NOT Made of These
I pity the next man who spends any extended amount of time next to me in my bed, I really do. Not that I’m disgusting or smelly or anything; on the contrary. I wash my sheets every week and I spray ylang ylang perfume on them every morning and I always lotion up when I [...]
Read More..>>Wookin’ Puh Nub Nub
I spent the New Year’s weekend lounging around, eating anything in sight and…watching episodes IV through VI of Star Wars. Shut up. They rock. I haven’t seen them, actually, since I saw them in the theatres which was, um, twenty years ago? Yeah. I’m old. I saw Star Wars when I was eight, I think, [...]
Read More..>>Save It For The Valium, Okay?
Is there any reason why it takes longer to open up a DVD than, say, a bottle of Percoset or pharmecutical cocaine? I mean, really. I went to the Virgin Megastore today and picked up Garden State, Anchorman, Zoolander, and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, and it took me approximately three hours [...]
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